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An Open Letter to the New Stay-at-Home Mom…

Before I became a stay-at-home mom, I had a really great career. I loved it more than I would have ever thought I could love a job. Until I wound up in this one. But in the beginning, I didn’t know if I would love staying at home and not getting up to go to “work” every day, earning a pay check, and mingling with my co-workers. 
Life with a newborn is HARD. Life with a newborn and becoming a stay-at-home-mom at the same time was a double whammy for me. I went through all the feels as they say. I missed my day job. I missed my routine. I knew how to do that. I had not a clue as to how to be a mother and how to be a wife all at the same time. Not a clue. But like most things in life, you just figure things out. 
With each passing day, my confidence grew. I prayed like I never knew I could pray, and life just got better. Every day it did, and two years later, it still does. I learned that although different, this life of being a stay-at-home mom has some amazing perks. However, it took me a while to get here to this place of sanity and happiness.

If I could tell a new mom who is transitioning into the new season of staying at home with a newborn and dealing with this HUGE life change, it would be this: 

Dear New Stay-at-home mom, 
It’s going to be really lonely at first, but it will get better. 
Sometimes it’s going to feel like you’ve absolutely lost your mind, but it will get better. 
There will be really hard days when you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, but it will get better. 

There will be days when you don’t remember if you showered or why you walked into the laundry room. Don’t worry. Your memory will return one day. Maybe not just yet, but it will get better.

The structure or lack thereof of your days is going to be an ever-changing anomaly, but it will get better. 
It’s going to feel like you will never get an ounce of good sleep again, but it will get better. 
If you’re breastfeeding, it’s going to feel like you are a just a milk factory, but it will get better. 
It’s going to feel like you will never wear any of your favorite old clothes again (remember those work clothes? You can wear them to church again one day.), but it will get better. 
It’s going to feel like you have no sense of belonging because most of your friends are too busy or you’re too busy, but it will get better. 
Your brain is going to feel like it’s slightly turned into mush due to the lack of adult conversation, but no worries. It will get better. 
You will wonder if your husband is adjusting to this new life as great as you are (ha!), but it will get better. 
You’ll long for date nights and girl’s nights, but it will get better. 
You’ll wonder if you will ever figure out how to be a mom, a housekeeper, a wife, a cook, a snot sucker, baby bouncer, milk maker, newborn entertainer, sleepwalker, etc., but it will get better. 
There will be days when you cry and then cry some more because your hormones are going to be out of control. Let it out, sister. Because it will get better. 
You’ll feel like you’re just surviving at first, and that is good. Survival is good. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Eventually you’ll be thriving. You just wait. It’ll happen. It will get better. 
You might feel like you’ve forgotten your purpose in life, but it’ll come to you. Life will get better. 
Because your purpose will strike you like a bolt of lightening out of the blue one day like most “Aha!” moments do, and you’ll realize that your purpose is so clear. To be a mom. To be a strong woman and role model to that little baby you’re raising each day. To be a good wife. To be a friend. To be a sister. To be a daughter. Because you matter. You always have. It just looks differently now. 
You see, your “going to work” is going to quickly turn into you waking up and picking up that amazing little squishy from his or her crib. You’ll be greeted with smiles and coos and eventually, “Hi mama!” You’ll be paid with kisses and hugs and sometimes knocks to the head. You’ll mingle with some new co-workers, the new friends you’ve made who are also stay-at-home moms. And you’ll realize that this season, this gig, is exactly where you’re meant to be.

Keep on keeping on, sister. It does indeed get better.

For more inspiration on being a SAHM, read this: 7 Tips to Being a Better Stay-at-Home Mama. 

This post is part of the New Mama 101 series. Be sure to check here for previous posts in the series and to see what else is in store. 
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Comments

  3. I love this! I am not a stay at home mom yet but i remember when I was on maternity leave I felt a lot of this.. It was HARD work with a new baby.. Now she is able to do more I feel like it would be completely different.

    • Thanks, Chelsea! Yes, it was pretty overwhelming at first. But thankfully, you find a groove and the older they get, the better things get. You find a routine and a rhythm. And I’m all about that. ;)

  5. So so true! I thought I was losing my mind in the beginning. It was so hard! As my little one has gotten bigger it has become a lot of fun and we get to do lots of fun things together!

    • Yes! I didn’t know how I was going to make it some days, but I’m so glad I stuck with it and pushed through. Now we have some of the best days! Some days are still a little tough, but there is no place I’d rather be. :)

  7. You are such an inspiration! Your positive spirit is so encouraging to so many and it is one of the highlights of my day to read your posts. I am not anywhere near to being a mom, but one day when I am I will reference your posts for encouragement and advice. You are an incredible woman!!

  12. I love this! I am not a stay at home mom yet but i remember when I was on maternity leave I felt a lot of this.. It was HARD work with a new baby.. Now she is able to do more I feel like it would be completely different.

  14. So so true! I thought I was losing my mind in the beginning. It was so hard! As my little one has gotten bigger it has become a lot of fun and we get to do lots of fun things together!

  15. I love this post since I also recently became a SAHM after being a teacher for 14 years. The funniest part is that I though I would have so much free time…haha. I don’t really have much more than when I was working :-)

    • I was a teacher for 9 years before I became a SAHM. :) I too thought it was going to be a walk in the park. Haha! I’m always so busy now. Our days are filled to the brim. I’m so much less stressed though now than I’ve ever been. So thankful for this season, that is for sure.

  17. You are such an inspiration! Your positive spirit is so encouraging to so many and it is one of the highlights of my day to read your posts. I am not anywhere near to being a mom, but one day when I am I will reference your posts for encouragement and advice. You are incredible woman!!

    • Oh, thank you Lisa! I’m so happy to hear that it’s what you needed to read. That truly is the reason why I write. To encourage others. ;) I remember being 6 months out and I was still in the “getting by” phase. It’ll get better. I promise! I’m a routine person, so once I would find one that worked for us, I would stick by that until my daughter’s sleep schedule changed again.

      It’s so hard to manage when there is no work manual or job mentor for this role. Good thing we have each other and other SAHMs to talk out the bad days and cheer on the good. And thanks so much for sharing! We’re in it together, sister!

  23. Yes! I didn't know how I was going to make it some days, but I'm so glad I stuck with it and pushed through. Now we have some of the best days! Some days are still a little tough, but there is no place I'd rather be. :)

  27. I loved this!! I didn’t start being a SAHM until Jack was three so my experience has been a bit different yet the same….if that makes any sense. So much wisdom in this post.

    • Aww, thanks so much, girlfriend! It totally makes sense. Becoming a SAHM is a huge game-changer at any point in time. It’s a big adjustment, especially if we left behind a job we loved. Good thing there’s this little thing called time that makes it all better. :)

  29. I love this post since I also recently became a SAHM after being a teacher for 14 years. The funniest part is that I though I would have so much free time…haha. I don't really have much more than when I was working :-)

  33. Great post, very well said. Wish I had this to read when I had my first. I tell the story of lack of sleep, the struggle with breast feeding, the projectile poop, the no showers, the crying…oh the crying. However, it does get better as you said and they soon moms will be asking themselves where the time has gone.

    Best,

    Smile

    http://emeraldcityswag.blogspot.com/

  36. I loved this!! I didn't start being a SAHM until Jack was three so my experience has been a bit different yet the same….if that makes any sense. So much wisdom in this post.

    • Thanks so much, Alessandra! I’m so glad I’m able to cheer on my friends now. I had a lot of friends tell me that I would love it, and when I was in the trenches, I thought they had lost their mind. But now I understand what they were talking about. It does get better and I do love this job more than I ever thought I would. :) I’m sure I’ll need these reminders too if we ever decide to have another baby, too.

  41. Sweet and encouraging as always! I’ll share with my readers. Keep up the great mommy (and writing) work!

  42. Sweet and encouraging as always! I'll share with my readers. Keep up the great mommy (and writing) work!

  43. This is such a sweet post and is so true. The first weeks and months are so hard, but go so fast, and are truly very wonderful! Thank you! I always love your blog posts!

    • Oh, thank you so much, Tiffany! :) Looking back, I thought time was going by so slowly. Now I can’t believe how quickly it goes! Thanks so much for your sweet words. They mean a ton!

  44. This is awesome Kristy. You are so right on with all of these points. The emotional roller coaster is real! But yes, it will get better. :)

    • Thanks, girlfriend! I truly believe it. I’m sure we’ll still encounter the rough days, but like everyone says, “It’s worth it!” :)

  45. I love this Kristy! Well done! It was definitely a transition in the beginning….so sleep deprived, everything is so new and different…but it gets better! I loved how you said you’ll find your purpose – to be a mom. I can’t help but cringe a little bit when I hear sahms say they feel like they have no purpose. I wonder why they can’t look at their children and see their purpose? Parents are not replaceable as employees are. Great post!

    • Thanks so much, Chelsea! Yep, it was such a hard adjustment, just like most new jobs. Sleep deprivation was the worst! :| But after a few good night’s sleep, things started to look up and have gotten better ever since.

      It does break my heart to think that some people don’t know their purpose. I think that some moms are just so lost in the fog that it’s easy to to lose the way. Lots of prayer makes things clear, and the purpose is there to be seen. :)

  46. This is such a sweet post and is so true. The first weeks and months are so hard, but go so fast, and are truly very wonderful! Thank you! I always love your blog posts!

  48. This is awesome Kristy. You are so right on with all of these points. The emotional roller coaster is real! But yes, it will get better. :)

  49. I was a teacher for 9 years before I became a SAHM. :) I too thought it was going to be a walk in the park. Haha! I'm always so busy now. Our days are filled to the brim. I'm so much less stressed though now than I've ever been. So thankful for this season, that is for sure.

  52. Oh, thank you Lisa! I'm so happy to hear that it's what you needed to read. That truly is the reason why I write. To encourage others. ;) I remember being 6 months out and I was still in the "getting by" phase. It'll get better. I promise! I'm a routine person, so once I would find one that worked for us, I would stick by that until my daughter's sleep schedule changed again.

    It's so hard to manage when there is no work manual or job mentor for this role. Good thing we have each other and other SAHMs to talk out the bad days and cheer on the good. And thanks so much for sharing! We're in it together, sister!

  54. Aww, thanks so much, girlfriend! It totally makes sense. Becoming a SAHM is a huge game-changer at any point in time. It's a big adjustment, especially if we left behind a job we loved. Good thing there's this little thing called time that makes it all better. :)

  55. Thanks so much, Alessandra! I'm so glad I'm able to cheer on my friends now. I had a lot of friends tell me that I would love it, and when I was in the trenches, I thought they had lost their mind. But now I understand what they were talking about. It does get better and I do love this job more than I ever thought I would. :) I'm sure I'll need these reminders too if we ever decide to have another baby, too.

  58. Where was this letter when I first became a SAHM?! It made me get all misty-eyed and reminded me of those first few really rough months when I didn’t know my purpose and my days felt like they just ran all together. Love this Kristy, it’s just a sweet and encouraging letter, and it’s all so TRUE.

    • Thanks, girlfriend! Those first months were BRUTAL. All the days running together…yep. I feel you. Now it’s fun craziness. :)

  59. I love this Kristy! Well done! It was definitely a transition in the beginning….so sleep deprived, everything is so new and different…but it gets better! I loved how you said you'll find your purpose – to be a mom. I can't help but cringe a little bit when I hear sahms say they feel like they have no purpose. I wonder why they can't look at their children and see their purpose? Parents are not replaceable as employees are. Great post!

  60. Oh, thank you so much, Tiffany! :) Looking back, I thought time was going by so slowly. Now I can't believe how quickly it goes! Thanks so much for your sweet words. They mean a ton!

  61. Thanks, girlfriend! I truly believe it. I'm sure we'll still encounter the rough days, but like everyone says, "It's worth it!" :)

  62. Thanks so much, Chelsea! Yep, it was such a hard adjustment, just like most new jobs. Sleep deprivation was the worst! :| But after a few good night's sleep, things started to look up and have gotten better ever since.

    It does break my heart to think that some people don't know their purpose. I think that some moms are just so lost in the fog that it's easy to to lose the way. Lots of prayer makes things clear, and the purpose is there to be seen. :)

  65. Where was this letter when I first became a SAHM?! It made me get all misty-eyed and reminded me of those first few really rough months when I didn't know my purpose and my days felt like they just ran all together. Love this Kristy, it's just a sweet and encouraging letter, and it's all so TRUE.

  68. This is awesome Kristy and so amazing to know that all of those things are normal and do get better. When I was in the thick of being a ‘new’ stay at home mom, perspective is everything. I remember days feeling like weeks and never feeling like things were going to get better, but they do. Thank you

    • Absolutely! And thank you so much for reading. :) Perspective really is everything. But when you’re sleep deprived, it’s hard to see through the fog. Thank goodness, fog always lifts! Hope you have a great weekend!

  70. This is a fabulous post. Seriously, spot on, I couldn’t have said it better. So good to read right now before my second is born…I know memory wipes away those hard days in the beginning, and it’s going to be an awakening again!

    • Thanks so much, Christina! That means so much. I hear ya about the memory being wiped away. I’m currently going through the terrible twos now with this little mini, and she is trying my patience. I’m scared to death to add another baby to the mix, but I know that it’ll all work out as it should. Good luck with everything! :)

  71. This is awesome Kristy and so amazing to know that all of those things are normal and do get better. When I was in the thick of being a 'new' stay at home mom, perspective is everything. I remember days feeling like weeks and never feeling like things were going to get better, but they do. Thank you

  76. Absolutely! And thank you so much for reading. :) Perspective really is everything. But when you're sleep deprived, it's hard to see through the fog. Thank goodness, fog always lifts! Hope you have a great weekend!

  77. This is a fabulous post. Seriously, spot on, I couldn't have said it better. So good to read right now before my second is born…I know memory wipes away those hard days in the beginning, and it's going to be an awakening again!

  82. Thanks so much, Christina! That means so much. I hear ya about the memory being wiped away. I'm currently going through the terrible twos now with this little mini, and she is trying my patience. I'm scared to death to add another baby to the mix, but I know that it'll all work out as it should. Good luck with everything! :)

  86. What a beautiful post.

    I needed a letter like this when I became a SAHM. That first little while was a huge adjustment but does it ever get better.

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

    • Thanks so much, Jennifer! It really was quite the adjustment. I’m glad things have settled down a bit. :) Hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week!

  87. What a beautiful post.

    I needed a letter like this when I became a SAHM. That first little while was a huge adjustment but does it ever get better.

    Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop).

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo

  88. Thanks so much, Jennifer! It really was quite the adjustment. I'm glad things have settled down a bit. :) Hope you had a great weekend and that you have a great week!

    • Thanks so much, Jenny! Sorry for the late reply, but I’m so happy to hear that you thought those things. :) Hope you’re having a great week!

    • Thanks, Leanne! It is all about the power of our thoughts. :) This job is tough, but it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever had the privilege to do. Xoxo

  93. Thanks so much, Jenny! Sorry for the late reply, but I'm so happy to hear that you thought those things. :) Hope you're having a great week!

  94. Thanks, Leanne! It is all about the power of our thoughts. :) This job is tough, but it's the greatest thing I've ever had the privilege to do. Xoxo

  95. I am now 9 months pregnant wih my second daughter. My first is going on 4 now, and i really regret not being able to spen as much time with her when she was a newborn. I am now tryinh to transition into becoming a stay-at-home mom while startingmy own business and this article has helped me really make up my mind. I want to be home with my children, i dont want to miss the first 4 years of my childrns life like i did wih my first.
    Thank you for the encouragment in this open letter!!!

  96. 2 years of being a SAHM, another baby added into the mix and I still feel like this sometimes but you are so right. It DOES get better! I’m enjoying all of this time home with my new babe that I missed out on with my first. Do I miss my career? Sure, I do. But this right here is so much more rewarding! Great post, mama!

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