A Letter to My 25-Year-Old Self…On My 35th Birthday

Today is my birthday, and I turn 35 years young. Thirty-five just seems like a huge milestone to me. I’m not doing anything elaborate to celebrate. Such is life with a newborn and preschooler, but it is still significant nonetheless. I think it’s fair to say that even though I’ll be road-tripping today with two babes in tow, a dog, and the kitchen sink, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You see, ten years ago, when I was turning 25, I was a lost little soul. The last ten years have been the best of times and the worst of times. Back then, I was heartbroken and miserable, clinging to my faith because I thought it was my only option. I’ve seen things that have shattered my heart into a thousand pieces, but it’s been rebuilt to be better than it ever was before. And now, I cling to my faith because I know it’s the only option.

At 25, I had worried myself sick about how my life was unfolding, but man, did I not see what I had coming. That’s the thing about life. It blindsides you and then brings miracles better than you could have ever imagined.

If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t change a thing. I would let all the cards fall as they may, because they got me to here. To this day. To this life that I’m incredibly thankful for. So to that young, scared, twenty-five-year old self, this is what I would have to say…

A Letter to My 25-Year-Old Self

Oh, sister.

I know right now things are incredibly scary. You’ve just moved to a new city after being the small town girl all your life. Your heart is broken, and sometimes this life feels so heavy you don’t know how breathe. Deep breaths. It’s going to be okay.

I want you to know that this year is the year that your life truly starts. It’s the year that you’re going to rebuild yourself to something shiny and new. It’s going to be so hard, but you’re going to make it. You’re going to feel alone, you’re going to go through a deep depression, and you’re going to get sick. Embrace it. Be thankful for it. These lessons will teach you that you are so much stronger than you think. And you know what? You get better.

Once you heal, and let me just say it is a process, you’re going to love yourself. The people you surround yourself with are going to help, too. You’re going to cling to your faith like you never have before. You’re going to learn that whining about the hard days isn’t becoming. You’re going to start looking at the positive things around you, and you’re eventually going to focus on those things alone.

One day you’re going to be driving down your path to work, and you’re going to hear a song that brings about an “Aha” moment: “I am okay. I’m completely happy with myself and love this life of mine.” It might sound like a bunch of hooey, but it’s in that moment that you find true happiness, because it’s the moment you let go. You let go of the constant strive to control everything and every little detail about the life you thought you needed to have. It’s the moment when you give it over to God, and for the first time truly trust that His plan is better than your own. You’ve always said you believed that, but it isn’t until this moment that you truly believe it. You need this, because this is when you’ll finally be able to truly love someone else.

Then one day, you’re going to meet a guy who completely steals your heart. You’re going to fight that feeling at first, but trust me. This is it. This is the guy who you’re going to build a life with. He complements you better than cheese complements wine.

It’ll be a quick courtship. You’ll be engaged in six months after dating, and then you’ll marry a year after that. You’ll travel the world together, and you’ll be happier than ever.

Once you enter marriage, things won’t be easy. Marriage is tough stuff. But you’ll roll up your sleeves and learn how to put in work, real work. You’ll learn teamwork and how to be completely selfless. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, but both of you will be the best versions of yourself because of your undying love for each other. That’s crazy, huh? You never thought you would meet someone like that, but you do.

You’ll then face some of the hardest moments together as a couple and individually.

You’ll go through a divorce: not your own, but your parents. I know, sweet girl. This one stings. It hurts so much, but mourn the life you thought you would always have and have courage that a new one will be built. It takes time, but it will happen.

You’ll see cancer rear its ugly head and take away your father-in-law then your most precious grandpa. It’s one of the hardest things to see, but you’ll lean on your family and cling to your now beautiful faith, a faith that just keeps on growing.

You’ll change careers and go from a successful educator to a stay-at-home mom. I know this is a shocker, but God sure does love to throw in some plot twists. Your husband will change jobs, and will one day face a job layoff that isn’t fun. But everything happens for a reason. You’ll be humbled and learn how to take things in stride. This is a gift, and it’s a gift that keeps on giving.

In the midst of all the trials, you’ll be blessed more than you know. First, you’ll have a beautiful baby girl. She’ll teach you what God’s love is all about. Then, a few years down the road, you’ll be blessed with a handsome baby boy. These babies will make your heart grow into a size you didn’t know existed, and any trace of brokenness will be healed. Be good to them, because they are oh so good to you.

Also, be gentle on yourself. Give yourself grace. Know that you’re not always going to get your way. I know you, and you’ll have learned that you don’t need to throw a fit when you don’t get what you want. That’s never been your style anyway. Because at this point, you’ll have learned that you always get exactly what you need.

Then one day, you’ll wake up as a 35-year-old. You blinked, didn’t you? You’ll be surrounded by baby toys and burp cloths, and you’ll wonder how you’ll ever get it all done. But you will.

Everything will turn out all right in the end. And if it’s not all right, then it’s not the end.

Until then, keep loving with all your heart. Be thankful for the hard lessons and never take for granted all the gifts God has given you. Be kind to people. Cheer each other on. It’s the best any of us can do.

It’s all going to be just fine. You just wait and see.

Love,

Yourself