“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
Patience. Now there’s a lovely word. It’s something I used to pray
for all the time. “Be careful what you pray for,” they say, because praying for
patience is almost definitely an invitation to having to wait. But of course,
just like Veruca in Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory, I wanted what I wanted when I wanted, now! I spent the
latter part of my twenties impatiently searching for The One. With every new
guy I would meet (who showed any sort of interest), I immediately thought he
could be my husband. Talk about cray-cray, but hindsight really is
twenty-twenty. (And don’t worry. If this is you right now, no judgment.
Promise.) I hated being the lonely, single girl. You know the saying, “Always
the bridesmaid, never the bride”? That was me. I cried and pleaded to God to
just bring him to me already. I was
alone in a huge city with no family around me, always complaining to God or
anyone who would listen about just how miserable I was. But thankfully, I
didn’t meet The One when I was begging and whining about my loneliness. (Now
seeing that in print, it makes so much sense.) Here’s my story of how I let God
lead me instead of me trying to lead God.
for all the time. “Be careful what you pray for,” they say, because praying for
patience is almost definitely an invitation to having to wait. But of course,
just like Veruca in Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory, I wanted what I wanted when I wanted, now! I spent the
latter part of my twenties impatiently searching for The One. With every new
guy I would meet (who showed any sort of interest), I immediately thought he
could be my husband. Talk about cray-cray, but hindsight really is
twenty-twenty. (And don’t worry. If this is you right now, no judgment.
Promise.) I hated being the lonely, single girl. You know the saying, “Always
the bridesmaid, never the bride”? That was me. I cried and pleaded to God to
just bring him to me already. I was
alone in a huge city with no family around me, always complaining to God or
anyone who would listen about just how miserable I was. But thankfully, I
didn’t meet The One when I was begging and whining about my loneliness. (Now
seeing that in print, it makes so much sense.) Here’s my story of how I let God
lead me instead of me trying to lead God.
Looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t meet my husband until I did. When
I was the lonely, single girl I speak of, I wasn’t ready. Although I swore I
was. I had done everything to find The One. I read self-help books, went to
church, and watched Oprah. Are you feeling me? Check and checkmate. Now where
is he? I had taken Oprah’s advice very seriously in the matter of finding a
soul mate, and I did exactly what she recommended. She said I needed to make a
list of 100 attributes that I wanted to find in a person, because otherwise I
wouldn’t know what I was looking for until I had written it down. I certainly
did make that list as fast as she said it, because it was Oprah talking,
people. But do you know how hard it is to come up with 100 attributes of
anything? Talk about a daunting list. Honestly, all that did for me was make me
think that I had created a list of impossibilities. But two days later I still
had not found him. C’mon, Oprah! She had let me down. I became so frustrated in
my loneliness that I thought I needed to join the seminary and become a nun.
I’m not even lying. That thought perished when I realized it would take lots of
time to become a nun. No, thanks. I was in a hurry to be whoever I was going to
be. So then I thought that I needed to leave Houston and move back to my
hometown where I at least had my entire family, my comfort zone. You know, just
give up and give in. The easy route. When I explained my best-laid plan to one
of my BFFs, she told me NO. She said just give it a little more time and be
patient. There’s that word again. She knew that I had someone out there for me,
here, in Houston where God had placed me (for a reason, no less). Thank God for
sweet angel friends. I knew she was right, but I still wanted it now. So I
waited.
I was the lonely, single girl I speak of, I wasn’t ready. Although I swore I
was. I had done everything to find The One. I read self-help books, went to
church, and watched Oprah. Are you feeling me? Check and checkmate. Now where
is he? I had taken Oprah’s advice very seriously in the matter of finding a
soul mate, and I did exactly what she recommended. She said I needed to make a
list of 100 attributes that I wanted to find in a person, because otherwise I
wouldn’t know what I was looking for until I had written it down. I certainly
did make that list as fast as she said it, because it was Oprah talking,
people. But do you know how hard it is to come up with 100 attributes of
anything? Talk about a daunting list. Honestly, all that did for me was make me
think that I had created a list of impossibilities. But two days later I still
had not found him. C’mon, Oprah! She had let me down. I became so frustrated in
my loneliness that I thought I needed to join the seminary and become a nun.
I’m not even lying. That thought perished when I realized it would take lots of
time to become a nun. No, thanks. I was in a hurry to be whoever I was going to
be. So then I thought that I needed to leave Houston and move back to my
hometown where I at least had my entire family, my comfort zone. You know, just
give up and give in. The easy route. When I explained my best-laid plan to one
of my BFFs, she told me NO. She said just give it a little more time and be
patient. There’s that word again. She knew that I had someone out there for me,
here, in Houston where God had placed me (for a reason, no less). Thank God for
sweet angel friends. I knew she was right, but I still wanted it now. So I
waited.
Then an epiphany happened. I was driving my mundane route to work,
listening to a familiar tune on the radio. “By Your
Side” by Tenth Avenue North was playing, and the words that came blaring
through the speakers that went straight to my heart were these:
listening to a familiar tune on the radio. “By Your
Side” by Tenth Avenue North was playing, and the words that came blaring
through the speakers that went straight to my heart were these:
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching, as if I’m not enough?
Immediately, those words sent chills down my spine and tears began to
fall. I mean, I had heard that song several times before, but this time, at
that moment, my ears and heart were really open to God’s message. I
remember thinking, “Jesus, is that you? It is You.” Those words put
an imprint on my soul and sent me back to grace. At the time, I was a hurt,
young girl who tried so hard to control my own life. I thought I knew God, but
I kept Him tucked away for rainy days, and I fought Him because I just knew
that I could take care of myself. Of course, I was a fool. I had been on a
desperate search for love as if He was not enough, going through one heartbreak
after another. After soaking in those lyrics, it was then that my spirit was
rejuvenated. No more living as if God is not enough. His Grace filled me up,
and at that moment, I started to live a peaceful life. It’s amazing what
happens when we just LET GO. And it was then that I truly let Him lead.
fall. I mean, I had heard that song several times before, but this time, at
that moment, my ears and heart were really open to God’s message. I
remember thinking, “Jesus, is that you? It is You.” Those words put
an imprint on my soul and sent me back to grace. At the time, I was a hurt,
young girl who tried so hard to control my own life. I thought I knew God, but
I kept Him tucked away for rainy days, and I fought Him because I just knew
that I could take care of myself. Of course, I was a fool. I had been on a
desperate search for love as if He was not enough, going through one heartbreak
after another. After soaking in those lyrics, it was then that my spirit was
rejuvenated. No more living as if God is not enough. His Grace filled me up,
and at that moment, I started to live a peaceful life. It’s amazing what
happens when we just LET GO. And it was then that I truly let Him lead.
When I realized that God IS enough, I figured it was time to fall in
love with myself and who I was through Jesus. I had a new motto to live by: Stop
focusing on Mr. Right, and start focusing on Mrs. Right Now.
love with myself and who I was through Jesus. I had a new motto to live by: Stop
focusing on Mr. Right, and start focusing on Mrs. Right Now.
It was time to
become the person who God was calling me to be, encompassed by His love basking
in His glory. Instead of working on that list of 100 things that I was looking
for in someone else, I really needed to work on myself, truly and
whole-heartedly falling in love with myself the way God loved me. That’s the real love story. He created
us in His image after all, and I mean God is the greatest love of ALL. (I’m
pretty sure that’s what Whitney Houston was singing about.) Prior to this
revelation, I had experienced a deep conversation with a dear friend, kind of
talking about this very thing. He had told me, “The reason you haven’t
found anyone is because you don’t believe you’re worth it. When are you
going to believe that you’re worth it?” He was right. I totally
didn’t think I was worthy of God’s love or anyone’s love for that matter. If
you don’t have a friend to tell you these words, let me be that friend to you:
You are worth it! You are worthy of the Most High. In all our imperfections, God shows us the way and loves us still. It all starts with
God’s love, then with you loving yourself. When you have that love combination,
it’s the beginning to all things great. Let me say it again: God’s love IS enough.
become the person who God was calling me to be, encompassed by His love basking
in His glory. Instead of working on that list of 100 things that I was looking
for in someone else, I really needed to work on myself, truly and
whole-heartedly falling in love with myself the way God loved me. That’s the real love story. He created
us in His image after all, and I mean God is the greatest love of ALL. (I’m
pretty sure that’s what Whitney Houston was singing about.) Prior to this
revelation, I had experienced a deep conversation with a dear friend, kind of
talking about this very thing. He had told me, “The reason you haven’t
found anyone is because you don’t believe you’re worth it. When are you
going to believe that you’re worth it?” He was right. I totally
didn’t think I was worthy of God’s love or anyone’s love for that matter. If
you don’t have a friend to tell you these words, let me be that friend to you:
You are worth it! You are worthy of the Most High. In all our imperfections, God shows us the way and loves us still. It all starts with
God’s love, then with you loving yourself. When you have that love combination,
it’s the beginning to all things great. Let me say it again: God’s love IS enough.
God is The One, people. He had been there by my side the whole time,
but I was too busy getting in my own way, trying to rush His master plan. After
I let go and let God, my life started to turn around. I began living a positive
life, full of thankfulness and happiness, completely opposite of how I had been
living. I was a confident, new woman. So long insecurities! Everything started
falling into place after that. I no longer was in search for someone else
to love me, because I was filled with enough love to last me a lifetime–God’s
love. Soon after I realized that God was the only One, it was then that He sent
me to the one He had created for me, my perfect match–a man so wonderful, so
perfectly made for me and me for him, that he was all that I had put on that crazy
100 list and more. He was greater than any dream I could have ever dreamed for
myself. That’s God, my friend.
but I was too busy getting in my own way, trying to rush His master plan. After
I let go and let God, my life started to turn around. I began living a positive
life, full of thankfulness and happiness, completely opposite of how I had been
living. I was a confident, new woman. So long insecurities! Everything started
falling into place after that. I no longer was in search for someone else
to love me, because I was filled with enough love to last me a lifetime–God’s
love. Soon after I realized that God was the only One, it was then that He sent
me to the one He had created for me, my perfect match–a man so wonderful, so
perfectly made for me and me for him, that he was all that I had put on that crazy
100 list and more. He was greater than any dream I could have ever dreamed for
myself. That’s God, my friend.
Now, I know that everyone’s love story is not the same because God’s
plan for each of us is unique. You’ll watch your friends find happiness before
and after you do. But while you’re waiting for God to fulfill the desires of
your heart, why not find out about who He created you to be? Why not work on
the relationship that is above all others–the relationship you have with Jesus?
And if you find yourself impatiently practicing patience, know this: The very
same God that created the earth, the God who so brilliantly and deliberately knew
what had to come first, then second, and so on, creating each substance one by
one, that very same God, is in control of creating your life. Just like it’s
described in the first and second book of Genesis, something is always coming to replace the
absence of something. He knows what must come first before having laid out the
next step. How lucky are we to have Him as the creator of our life. God
knows exactly what He’s doing. There is an order. God lays His plans before us
building His wonderful masterpiece that is our life.
plan for each of us is unique. You’ll watch your friends find happiness before
and after you do. But while you’re waiting for God to fulfill the desires of
your heart, why not find out about who He created you to be? Why not work on
the relationship that is above all others–the relationship you have with Jesus?
And if you find yourself impatiently practicing patience, know this: The very
same God that created the earth, the God who so brilliantly and deliberately knew
what had to come first, then second, and so on, creating each substance one by
one, that very same God, is in control of creating your life. Just like it’s
described in the first and second book of Genesis, something is always coming to replace the
absence of something. He knows what must come first before having laid out the
next step. How lucky are we to have Him as the creator of our life. God
knows exactly what He’s doing. There is an order. God lays His plans before us
building His wonderful masterpiece that is our life.
“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:3-4.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:3-4.
We must have patience and trust His will, because His plan is far
greater than we could ever imagine. His love is enough. And just like that, the
lonely girl was lonely no more.
greater than we could ever imagine. His love is enough. And just like that, the
lonely girl was lonely no more.
~
Here are a few pictures from our wedding day. Holy miracle!
You can read more about our engagement story here as it was written back in 2009.
And if you’re more of a picture person, our awesome photographer, Pink Posh, recently did an anniversary post of our wedding photos here.
Love this! You were such a beautiful bride. Patience is a wonderful (and sometimes terrible) thing! :)
er, sometime terribly difficult* thing! :)
Thanks, my dear! You are too kind. :) I can't believe that was almost four years ago. And you are absolutely right about patience! Hope all is well, sweet friend. Please email me so we can meet up! I'd love to hear all about your new adventures.
Oh my, gosh, Kristy. I love it… I'm speed reading but have to come back and re-read! Love that song! It is one of my favorites and every time i hear it; it reminds me so much of my daughter, Alyssa…and my now DS who is now 17. You know, that time frame of trying to find who you are in this empty world. I am so excited about your writing and pray it will bless and inspire others to walk along side your journey inspiring and encouraging others through your words that God is emptying out in you. Hugs, sweet..girl! Keep it going! Keep that light glowing and showing! <3
Thank you so much! I appreciate you reading and taking the time to leave such kind words. :)